It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
