I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
