My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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