my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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