i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
