Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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