Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think people are normalizing furries
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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