Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
