Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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