i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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