So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
