Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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