Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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