It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
