I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I only lived at night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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