You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
