u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
