Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
