gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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