11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
