now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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