Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
