could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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