I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
