I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
