I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
