i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
