What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
