I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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