Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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