I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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