god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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