So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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