Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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