just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
