Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
