I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
