I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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