Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
