When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
