i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
