Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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