I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
