Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
