I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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