that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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