508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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