Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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