I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
