we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Everclear isn't food dammit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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