Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
