woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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